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Falling In

“Falling In”

Rain drizzled.
Lovers doused.

Time elapsed.
Bedlam passed.

Plush seats.
Beveled table.

Resin plate.
Historic date.

Hypnotic eyes
without lashes.

Peach flavored,
sweetly savored.

Hushed hysteria
hidden within.

Night-air-‘lectrified.
True-love-rectified.
 
 
 

poem written for “Monday Melting” at rosemary mint and linked to “Open-Link Night” at dverse poets

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24 responses »

  1. Night-air-’lectrified…very cool.. and just love the pic…and the hypnotic eyes without lashes gave me a bit of a creepy feeling…

    Reply
  2. i am glad that the storm abated and that the lovers were able to once more come together…nice quick clipped lines…

    Reply
  3. I love all the fun rhyme, but for me the best lines of the piece are these contrasting unrhymed couplets:

    “Plush seats.
    Beveled table.”

    “Hypnotic eyes
    without lashes.”

    I like the back and forth between the rhymed and unrhymed pairs. It creates an interesting effect.

    I also like the hyphenation of the final two lines, making them adjectives rather than clauses with independent noun/verb structure.

    I pictured this as a story of a romantic couple, having a baby along the way. “Without lashes” threw me for a moment, but then I thought of a newborn’s thin/almost nonexistent/invisibly pale eyelashes.

    Or maybe this is just one night, a couple’s date. “Hypnotic eyes without lashes” could represent two people staring into each others’ eyes, unblinking.

    “Peach flavored, sweetly savored” makes me think of a frozen-yogurt shop; or it could be baby skin, sweetness, and newness. Or it could be …

    Reply
    • Thanks for your comments…and yes, it is the story of a romantic couple. They’ve actually had more than one baby along the way, truth be told 🙂

      I’ll provide more details soon…work to do for now.

      Reply
  4. I just love the line breaks. Just looks and sounds so very unique, and wonderful.

    Really enjoyed this. Great work.

    Reply
  5. I’m interested in how this works itself out into love rectified. The short lines with rhymes seem to show how the love passed easily from romance to a deeper awareness of perhaps a hurt remedied. The purpose of the short lines, gives the impression, after I think about it for a while, of things somehow ordained, coming to be as they were meant to be. That’s interesting to ponder.

    Reply
    • “true-love-rectified” was perhaps my favorite part of this write…really just about finally finding “true love” and knowing that love really can bloom and blossom no matter what past disappoints have taken place in the lives of these two…

      Reply
  6. Best thing about word list prompts is seeing how many different and varied poems emerge from them. Enjoyed this, especially paired with that “singing in the rain” feeling photo.

    Reply
  7. Time for a new post, sweet pea!

    Reply
  8. Wanted to “flesh this out a bit” with some details of my first date with the beautiful lady who would soon become my bride:

    “Fallling In”

    Rain drizzled… as I pulled into the parking lot .
    Lovers doused… as we ran to take cover under the portico.

    Time elapsed… as we strolled downtown San Antonio holding hands.
    Bedlam passed… people, music, revelry all around us, but we hardly noticed.

    Plush seats… to this day, I think it’s the ‘fanciest’ sushi restaurant we’ve visited.
    Beveled table… the table was beveled 🙂

    Resin plate… ok, using poetic license to fit the prompt…but dinner was served!
    Historic date… that it was! It was the last “first date” ever for both of us.

    Hypnotic eyes… my first sushi dish was a “shrimp roll” that was served up whole.
    without lashes…. yep, eyes and everything! Shocking, but hard to look away.

    Peach flavored,… more poetic license, but the entire night & memory is “tasty.”
    sweetly savored… the drinks, the night, the beautiful lady.

    Hushed hysteria… those feelings, often called ‘butterflies’, felt deeply but kept
    hidden within.

    “Night-air-’lectrified”… I remember walking out of that restaurant and feeling energy in the air…something very special about our first night together.

    “True-love-rectified”…. both of us knew the pain/frustration of failed relationships, but ‘true love’ seemed to once again feel real and possible on this most wonderful of nights.

    Reply
  9. Congratulations Sir Reggie! Not only is the poem fantastic…the space is as well!

    Reply
    • Thanks Tash…I really have to give my Beautiful Bride all the credit for the “space”…well, even the inspiration to write a bit of poetry from time-to-time! And you were instrumental in providing some encouragement to start my own blog…thanks again!

      Reply
  10. wowsers, with few lines you’ve been able to deliver a story to tease imagination. i particularly enjoyed concluding two lines. thanks for sharing 🙂

    Reply

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