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Are Whores Worth the Trouble?

 

Your spring water is for you and you only,
not to be passed around among strangers.
Bless your fresh-flowing fountain!
Enjoy the wife you married as a young man!
Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose–
don’t ever quit taking delight in her body.
Never take her love for granted!
Why would you trade enduring intimacies for
cheap thrills with a whore?

Proverbs 5:17-20, The Message

Welcome to my friends from “talk-about-marriage,” real life friends, other bloggers, and complete strangers. Not sure how you found these words, but glad you did.

Don’t want to give you any false impressions. I’m certainly not a counselor (for marriage or much else). Heck, I’m not even a good “canceler”—I messed up canceling the monthly Nutri System delivery. Got another one yesterday, though I thought I was done forever. At least my daughters got to play with dry ice! And this time, no trips to the Emergency Room! Don’t ask…

I’m not all that smart either. If you don’t believe me, just ask my wife. 🙂 What I am, however, is a broken, humbled (and forgiven!) man. I’m also a “rehabbed” man, if you will. Still a work in progress—very much so! But, nonetheless, I’m a very different man, husband, and father today than I was just a few months ago. You CAN ask about that! Hopefully I’ve gained some wisdom during my recent season of growth. Wisdom valuable enough to share. So that’s one of the things I plan to do with this brand-new, shiny blog.

First up is some advice for husbands based upon the Bible verses found above (Proverbs 5:17-20). If you aren’t one to believe in much of what the Bible has to say, you should still take a gander. It’s just some good advice for all of us husbands, no matter your religious views. Proverbs, after all, is a book of plain-spoken wisdom. The Message makes it even easier to understand for a country boy like me!

So listen up husbands: You are married to the most wonderful woman in the world. No, really, you are! OK, actually I am. But, you see, you are too. Have I confused you yet?

And before you “call me out” on it, I want to clarify that I know some of you are probably not married to a “wonderful woman”—been there, and understand the frustration. But the larger point to understand, is that if you are married, you owe it to yourself and your wife to see her as the most wonderful, beautiful woman in the entire world. She should know that you consider her “lovely as an angel” and hear you say she’s as “beautiful as a rose.” Some of you need to quit laughing. A good many of you can wipe the disgusted look off your face. And for those of you who already know she’s certain of your admiration and love: Good job! Keep it up!

There are many reasons we husbands neglect this simple advice—to “enjoy” our wives, to “bless” them, to NEVER take them for granted! Some of my personal reasons were work, work, and more work (I literally worked a job, ran a business, and managed rental property for the first 7 years of our marriage). Who’s got time to emotionally invest in marriage in the midst of all that busy-ness? I’m sure a lot of you can identify. There were also my preoccupations with hobbies (from cars to football and much in between), preoccupations with stupid wastes-of-time (facebook, anyone?), and some emotional baggage I carried from a previous heartache as well as my parents’ divorce.

There are so many more reasons we husbands fail to follow the “words of wisdom” found above. Resentment, bitterness, lack of forgiveness, laziness, selfishness, rebellion, hardened hearts…the list can go on and on. One of the biggest challenges we men face in completely honoring our wives (making her feel beautiful, enjoying her, blessing her, NEVER taking her for granted, etc.) is our battle with lust. I personally don’t know a single man who hasn’t struggled with this battle in some regard—even the most morally upright men I know! Due to our visual nature, and how we are wired, it’s going to be an issue that we as men will deal with. However, a lot of us choose not to “deal with it.” We choose to feed it! Bad choice!

You see, when you are fantasizing over movie-stars, models, and random girls who expose themselves all over the Internet, you are choosing to exchange “enduring intimacies” with the most wonderful woman in your world for “cheap thrills” with a whore. It’s an awful and painful price to pay. And you pay this heavy, heavy price for something cheap and meaningless!

So what’s the answer? How do we deal with it? I think the most important response is found in God and trusting Him to give victory in your life over lustful thoughts. In my life, this is a critical part of the answer. However, even outside of a dependance upon God, there are some important things you can do to honor your wife. First, make up your mind that this is a battle you will fight! No more “boys will be boys” attitude that excuses your actions. And secondly, determine in your heart and mind that your wife is THE standard for beauty, hotness, sexyness, etc. My wife is absolutely the standard in my mind of what a beautiful, sexy woman looks like. There is no comparison! And there never will be! This mindset makes a world of difference for me in my thought life and the temptations I face.

So do it boys! Honor your wife, enjoy her, delight in her, bless her! Determine in your heart and mind that she is the loveliest lady ever, “beautiful as a rose.” Make sure she knows it not only through your words but with your actions. Make her THE standard for beauty in your life and do it today. Enduring intimacies with your wife are soooo much more enjoyable than the cheap thrills you’ll find anywhere else!

And for all you gals who may be reading, I have some advice for you too. Understand the battle your husbands face and give them a little grace. Men are wired to be visual and we definitely live in a visual world. Don’t excuse the actions when lines are crossed, but be willing to be understanding and helpful to your husband as he tackles this challenge!

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18 responses »

  1. Hey, who said you could use my picture?

    ~Death

    Reply
  2. very well written. I hope every man in the world reads it. It is true. We as women need to do the same to our men, if we have one. Nothing should be more important than that sacred relationship. Thank you for sharing.

    Reply
  3. Thanks for your visit and comments Beckie. I enjoy your writings as well. Assuming I’ve read correctly, it seems we both share the same home-state. Well current “home state.” 🙂

    Lots of wisdom in your comment!

    Reply
  4. Are Whores Worth the Trouble? …..Of course they are. You start by washing their feet.

    Reply
  5. “And before you ‘call me out’ on it, I want to clarify that I know some of you are probably not married to a “wonderful woman”—been there, and understand the frustration.” … To clarify, this was some other woman he was married to. Certainly not me. I am assuredly wonderful. 😉

    The thing about making your wife feel beautiful and loved is that it has to be genuine; also, it helps if she acts/looks in ways that facilitate this “viewing.” It’s a cycle. The more you build her up, the more she’ll build up herself and you. It’s so hard for any couple to implement such a cycle, however, when things are already rocky and painful. Maybe you can write about that sometime. I’m sure plenty of people will read this who might not “feel” like encouraging each other or being loving and kind, cherishing one another, etc. Perhaps you can recommend some books/web sites as well.

    Reply
  6. “It’s so hard for any couple to implement such a cycle, however, when things are already rocky and painful. Maybe you can write about that sometime. I’m sure plenty of people will read this who might not “feel” like encouraging each other or being loving and kind, cherishing one another”

    I actually shared some of those thoughts in the “lost post” from the other night. I’m going to try to re-write it today.

    Links to other blogs and book suggestions are a great idea…I will do that.

    Reply
  7. I think it’s pretty label a living human being ‘death’, even if they are doing what both of us consider certainly the wrong thing. Many prostitutes have fallen into it not because of simply being morally bankrupt, and seeing it as a way to earn good money, but are the victim of sexual slavery, of extreme poverty, destitution, drug addiction, and so on. You are tarring them all with the same brush.. and boy is it a nasty one. ‘Death’. They are dead to you? Zombies? They’re gonna burn in Hell for all eternity, right? They are human beings. With problems. Many of them desperately need help. You are doing the opposite by condemning them as ‘dead’. It’s all black and white to you, isn’t it? I don’t advocate nor condone prostitution or the hardcore pornography industries, but know this: they are almost always run by, and certainly for, men. Men are at the controls. Sex sells. They know it. They are making a packet. And you choose to point your finger at a woman and call her Death. That’s extremely nasty and very badly thought-out. I really wish Ecclesiastical folk who choose to go public with their opinions and condemnation would think it through, and for themselves (rather than simply quoting Bible passages… memorising scripture is very easy and doesn’t allow you freedom of thought). That woman, up there, in the picture. How do you know how she got into that? You just swiped the pic from Google image search or somesuch, right? Sit back in your comfortable chair and point fingers. It’s easy, ain’t it? I find this post to be extremely sexist and rashly-written using archaic scripture as a crutch for the gaps. Ignorance is bliss… if you keep it out of public scrutiny where it is embarrassingly blatant.

    Reply
  8. Thanks for your comments Luke. Different opinions are welcome here.

    You and I may see this much more similarly than you believe. My post is not so much about the “awful sluts” ruining the world around us, but more so about men rejecting the temptation to look at those images and perpetuate that industry.

    I would encourage all men (married and single) to heed your advice, Luke, and not subject women to abuses of power merely for our enjoyment. The title may be a bit misleading, but it was a woman who suggested the title, so I don’t think it is entirely offensive. If one takes the time to read beyond the title and the pic, he/she will find a call-to-account for MEN to do the right thing.

    Personally, I don’t know of any men who haven’t struggled with the issues presented in this post, and I stand by what I have written. This isn’t a matter of “Bible thumping” at all; it is a call to men to love and cherish the one woman they should love and cherish most. Let’s face it, if there were no audience for pornography, there would be no “porn industry.”

    I actually agree that this is mostly a “male-created” problem. There are many atrocities that women have endured for centuries and we men need to own up to our faults and put a stop to those abuses! I do think the “porn industry” is a recent example of those abuses. Certainly there are women (girls even) who are forced into lifestyles that are abhorrent. I don’t fault women for the abuses of men—especially when the women are forced into a lifestyle not of their own choosing.

    My wife and I spent some time volunteering with a ministry that reached out to addicted women. Many of the women were addicted to what we would call “hard core” drugs—crystal meth, coke, etc. But a great many of them were also addicted to prescription pain meds. I don’t believe I met any woman there who was “forced” to become an addict. But there were many—nearly all, in fact—who became addicted after a travesty occurred in their lives. For many of those women, it was the loss of a child or other loved one. For others, it was abuse they had suffered as a child or young adult. As they would share their stories, there was a constant theme of men in their past who were more than willing to take advantage of them no matter their state of emotions. However, the ministry itself was started and run by a man and his wife who desperately wanted to help these women. The husband handled the business end of the ministry, and the wife built relationships with and helped the women work through their addictions and struggles.

    The man (husband) in this ministry team was crucial in helping women know that they could be properly viewed and appreciated by a male, and not simply treated as an object. In fact, it was an important part of their healing to know how a man should really treat and respect women.

    My post here is to remind married men to love and respect their wives . Part-and-parcel in that kind of love & respect is avoiding the pitfalls so common to men—especially lust.

    Reply
  9. I find I’m somewhere between New View and Luke on this one. New View, I get where you’re coming from and I think I know where you’re going with this post. But labeling anyone other than the Enemy himself seems a bit misguided.

    I saw a woman downtown yesterday who was completely trashed, high, and out of her mind. She had a black eye that was several days old. I’m guessing (though of course I don’t know for sure) that she is homeless and that shey may on occassion trade sex for money or drugs.

    The moment I saw her I recognized two things: 1) She would be a great candidate for pornographic films because she was broken and desperate, and 2) She is a child of God. I was filled with a righteous anger at the enemy for bringing her as low as she was. It broke my heart. By definition she may be a “whore” for trading sex for money or drugs, but to label her that way objectifies her the same way that pornography would; it takes away her identity as a human being.

    Reply
  10. RM,

    Thanks for your visit and your comments. Those are some excellent points.

    The main reason for the “label” is simply because that is the word used in the translation of the passage from Proverbs (the message).

    You and Luke both are right to point out that many women are forced into pornography and the “sex trade.”

    However, the reality is that guys are choosing to trade “enduring intimacies” for “cheap thrills.” It is costing men dearly, and it is forcing families to pay a heavy price as well. If men will live a life of sexual integrity, all of society will benefit!

    Reply
  11. In light of issues brought up by Luke and Rabidmongoose, I thought I would share info about a great ministry that reaches out to at-risk girls around the world.

    I’ve been able to support them financially in the past, and have met the founder of the ministry. They do a great job of rescuing females from sexual slavery.

    100xmissions.org <——— check it out!

    Reply
  12. And since they are involved in more than just “trafficking prevention” I thought I would provide the link to that specific ministry if you have trouble navigating the main site:

    http://100xdevelopment.com/trafficking_prevention.php

    Reply

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